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Tuesday, May 13, 2008
Today at work I was trying to come up with some sort of inspiration for a blog entry and remembered that I had had something sizzling on the back burner about life-sized items. I don't know that there is really any point to owning a life-sized replica of something that exists in real life, unless you are looking to save money. Even then, if you buy a child the economically-sound life-sized plush dog instead of the real thing, doesn't the money you save automatically go towards her imminent thereapy? If you're too cheap to buy both doll clothes and clothes for your child and decide to kill two birds with one stone with a My Size Barbie, you better pray that you don't get implicated in future regression sessions. Anyway, while looking for all these life-sized options, I came across perhaps the most frightening store I have seen in my life. Now I may have a profound and irrational fear of dolls to begin with, but I ask you to take a look at some of the ones for sale and tell me you don't soil yourself.  I don't know what is more horrifying: his wink, his pointy pointy chin, his wrinkly Dylan McKay forehead, or his little carrot-shaped booties. And why does he have a shopping bag?? What does a carrot possibly need to buy other than broth in which to cook his evil self so that we may all be saved from him??  This one is called the Queen of Hearts, but she looks like she's actually the Queen of Fatty Tumor-Speckled Cow Hearts. And just for that comment, she'll kill me while I sleep. Help.  "Great dolls for Christmas or Fall Decorating or to just collect and Love" - or to EAT YOUR CHILDREN.  Apparently this one also comes with poseable arms and legs - which obviously means HE CAN MOVE BY HIMSELF. Because who's going to suspect the scarecrow?  Crocodile tears. Behind them lurks a heart fashioned completely of darkness. The one solace I have is that the wrapping around his head makes me think he has a toothache and so I can laugh at his pain. Because if I don't laugh, I'll cry because I see the pitchfork he has in his bag and I know what he's going to do with it. So if you were brave enough to get through these, your next challenge is to check out this page. Godspeed friends, I fear the worst....
Friday, April 18, 2008
(...though not as good as http://www.expatsexchange.com/) http://www.sniperforex.com/ "Sniper for ex" probably gets way more traffic than "Sniper Forex" stock trading software.
Thursday, April 17, 2008
I just figured out a surefire way to get picked up in an urban environment (caveat: you have little or no control over your wooers): carry a pizza box for a couple of blocks and see what sorts of city dwellers ask if they can share a slice with you. I guarantee almost an 80% return on your culinary investment (if you consider the dollars to dates ratio to be sound, that is).
Tuesday, April 15, 2008
I totally meant to write a blog post, but I'm soooo tired. Please, just watch this in the meantime. If only all video art were this good!!
Monday, March 31, 2008
I think the bulk of time that will be used to write this post was spent on trying to find out how to render that å above. Hurrah, success! I have no interest in cohesion tonight, so here are some things that are going on.
Wednesday, March 12, 2008
   David Hasselhoff better watch out because Tina Yothers is quickly closing in on him to become the most frequently represented celebrity on my hard drive. Also - TINA YOTHERS WITH RICKY MARTIN. WORLDS COLLIDE.  From here. Amazing.
Monday, February 25, 2008
 Jackie and I were being evil today and checking out the Facebook profiles of people from high school with the express purpose of seeing how old and washed up they look now. Let me tell you, if you ever need a quick shot of confidence, hop on the old social networking sites and look up those girls who were just too cool for you - I can almost guarantee they'll be looking leathery and rocking a mom haircut. What's somewhat amusing was the fact that my high school experience wasn't even traumatic. I never got picked on or anything; it was just a question of not drinking enough and being a little shyer that kept me out of the "popular clique". So even though I don't really have "Carrie" desires, there are still a certain number of those girls that when you see them looking haggard, a part of you just laughs and laughs and laughs. We showed our other roommate a picture of a brother and sister who were younger than we are and asked him to guess their ages. His approximate guess was 40. The thought of looking 15 years older than you actually are is really pretty frightening, especially when Jackie still gets asked what grade she is in and when I about two years ago was asked out by a 19-year-old because he thought I was his age. Ha!! Above all, we were astounded by how many of these former classmates are still all friends to this day. I more or less felt like the friends I knew in high school were my friends because of circumstance as opposed to actual lifelong bonds, so it's so bizarre to think that these kids still see each other on a regular basis. It's kind of like they never left high school, like they're still trying to live those glory days, and the only way they can do that is by sticking together. Oh yeah, and you can use Facebook for other things too.
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